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Here are the Facebook pet peeves of a grumpy old man:
- Rumble in the News Feed. Sure it is entertaining for the rest of us to watch you fight with your significant other but once the brawl and name calling are over I am blocking/unfriending you. (I may stick around for the relationship status updates)
- Celebrate recovery. I support you in all of your efforts to overcome addiction. I only question your decision to celebrate on Facebook and announce your days clean. (unless there is a FourSquare badge for that)
- Today is the best/worst day of your life. We all share when we are having a really good day and when we have a bad day. It’s nice to share with friends and to have them pick you up when you are down. But when you have the best and worst day of your life in the same day or in consecutive days (or constantly) then you need to step away from Facebook and seek help.
- Your spouse is the best. If you have to post it repeatedly, I have to question that. If they were so great, it would be so obvious others would post if for you.
- It’s called WebMD. No, that is not normal and you should seek medical help but I don’t need to read about your personal issues! Please type that question on WebMD and not on Facebook.
- Pride in the name of love. We are proud of our families when they do amazing things, even if it is only amazing to us. When your loved one has an amazing session with their court appointed counselor, tell them how proud you are not the Facebook world.
- I am cooler than you and here is proof. If it is an inside joke or you have to speak in code, you know there is a thing called a Message. Or try email, or text, or call. Choose one, go crazy.
- Eight Miles High. Yes, they do have internet access on planes and have for a few years. It was interesting to let people know that you just posted that picture of a rainbow and a unicorn with the inspirational saying while up in the air back in 2011. We are over it. I could care less if your unicorn picture was posted from Delta flight 1402 to Las Vegas or from your bathroom.
- “I love Facebook and you should too” – Abraham Lincoln. Did they really say that? Do I even care to tell you that it is false? Would it even matter? Don’t let the facts ruin a good status update.
- Can’t We All Just Get Along? I think we can all agree we are over the (un)inspirational quotes you share, the eCards you got from Pinterest, the recipes you also got from Pinterest, the onion that kills the flu virus, and no I am not joining you in Bubble Blast or any other game.
So there you are. Now we can all be friends again. Well, at least Facebook friends.